Friday, 20 May 2016

The Haunted House

The Haunted House
By Sophie

Hi I’m Sophie and I’m here to tell the story of how I nearly died. I mean that's what my blog is about, right? Wrong. I actually never write about this kind of thing because I don't want to make anyone scared but this one isn't that bad. Stick around if you like hearing about haunted houses and scary things like that. 

What would you do if your best friend or a family member of yours died? Or if there was a special day but something terrible happens? What if it was you that died? What if you are a ghost and everyone else who you know is too? Maybe you live in ghost world and everyone is too scared to move there! ‘Cause for all you know you could be dead, like maybe I am! Or we could only have three lives! Or maybe I’m just scaring myself.
“Go to bed Sophie” Mum says, interrupting my thoughts.
“Okay okay mum” 
And like every other night, I start telling myself the story again...

“C’mon Sophie, let's go, it's for your own good”. Oh god this is the third time Alisha has interrupted me for no reason today at the wedding. 
“Can't I just finish this dance with Natalie, please” I ask beggingly (‘cause who wouldn't want to finish dancing to ‘Wake me up before you go go’ especially when they are with their 18 year old cousin?) 
“No, this is urgent”. Gosh, she is only twelve and already so controlling but I could be missing out on something awesome so I go anyway 
“Okay okay”  As I hurriedly follow Alisha.

I glare down at the steep, sloped driveway, my face chalky white as I tingle with fear.
“Do I have to walk down there, I mean there are corners all over the place, something could pop out of anywhere!” Petrified enough as I am Alisha answers calmly…
“Yes, we’ll do it together”
Here we go…
I shuffle forward clinging to the webby bush. 
“What if the illuminati is down there” Alisha blurts out randomly.
“Alisha the Illuminati isn’t in New Zealand” Alisha’s friend, Astrid points out.
Secretly I’m just shivering with fear, I want to go home than die.

I turn the corner. There's a shadow. My legs are paralysed, I’m going to die. Alisha, Rowan, Grace and Astrid scream and run back. That's what I want to do. But no. There's an extra piece of cake waiting for me if I get down there. Only a few more steps…

I shuffle across the bridge, under the rope, down the driveway, knock knock knock knock knock… A sing songy voice suddenly calls out “I can see you”. Aghhh! My body curls up, I am going to die. I speed back to the top, as fast as I can petrified as ever. 

Okay, so I’m up to the top, scared out of my wits… and up here my cousins are having a good old laugh.
“What are you giggling about, someone down there is coming up to kill us!”
“Oh that was just Rowan trying to scare you” and now I mean who wouldn’t join in laughing right now?

My Reflection:
While I was writing this I learnt to keep my whole story in the same tense instead of switching between different tenses and to use connectives between my ideas instead of saying something in one room and then next paragraph saying something in a whole different place. I think that I went well because I have a feeling that I have achieved my goal of appealing to the emotion of scared using strong vocabulary like when I said  "My legs are paralysed, I am going to die". Another goal that I had while writing this was to  have a peice of writing that my readers will enjoy reading and I think I did that by appealing to an emotion (for once). My next steps are to use a wider vocabulary to describe the emotion.
😝 See ya,
By Soph 

1 comment:

  1. All those times my sister has done that to me, and she's still 2 and a half years younger than me. The little devil, pulling pranks. I really liked your use of words, like 'paralysed' and 'scared out of my wits'.